


Existentialism is a dangerous thing.

by JaceRMontague



Series: 30k in 30 days [18]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dorms, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kinda fluff, but not a lot, emma's having a little bit of an existential crisis, little angst, they've anxiety and depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 09:48:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8619679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaceRMontague/pseuds/JaceRMontague
Summary: Emma and Regina are two dorm mates. They rarely see each other because Emma works two jobs on top of class, though when they do end up in one another's company they usually end up comforting one another.





	

Emma wasn’t sure how she had ended up sharing a dorm with Regina. Emma had forgotten to complete her residency application and had handed it in as soon as she’d remembered it – which was also pretty much ten minutes before the applications had stopped being accepted. She knew that Regina, on the other hand, had filled in her application and had handed it in as soon as the applications were being accepted.  The thing was, Emma knew about Regina’s overtly rich family, the way that her mother, Cora Mills, had just purchased a 34-million-dollar estate – it had been plastered all over the news. Emma knew that Regina had been born and raised with not a silver spoon in her mouth but a platinum and gold spoon that had been encrusted in diamonds and jewels. She could not for the life of her fathom why Regina would give up her life of luxury to live like a student – to live like Emma; a teenager surviving on state handouts and two part time jobs just to keep herself afloat. Emma had assumed at first that Regina was doing this with the support of her famed family but from the state of Regina’s bank account with its grand total of $138.82 _(it’s not Emma’s fault Regina had left her laptop open with her online bank statement filling the page)_ Emma was strongly doubting that was the case.

But regardless of her confusion at the fact that she, a self-proclaimed street-rat who was living an almost hand to mouth existence, was sharing a room with Regina Mills, the two of them had formed a tentative friendship over the last three months of them sharing a dorm.

Emma had learnt to be cautious and courteous when Regina was in the dorm studying, knew that Regina was normally out for dinner with her best friend, Kathryn, on Wednesday evenings, that Regina had her life scheduled to the tee. Regina had learnt to deal with Emma rushing in and back out again in the few minutes the blonde had to get changed between class and her job at the local diner and then again, a few hours later Fridays through to Sundays when Emma would rush in at a little after eleven at night to change into her uniform for her shift at the nearest bar. Regina had figured that Emma was studying when and where she could and had seen this for herself when she had been dragged to the bar by Kathryn and had been standing outside taking a five-minute breather on a Saturday night, or was it a Sunday morning by then? And had seen Emma sitting in an alley behind the bar at three am using the neon sign of the bar to read over the notes she had taken in class that day.

When the two of them happened to be in the same room, at the same time, both conscious, their friendship was easy, natural – full of jibes at one another and sarcastic remarks but nothing that would hurt the other, just annoy them. Their friendship also came with perks neither would have expected from the other when they first realised that they would be sharing a room; Regina would help Emma with her studying if the blonde needed it and Emma would help Regina with their food supply – bringing back the leftovers from the diner and diving them up between the two of them.

They had also both learnt to handle one another’s mental wellbeing; they had a running joke that the college had put them together because they both had depression and anxiety; Regina was slightly better at not falling into depressive bouts that Emma whereas the blonde was somewhat better than Regina at pulling herself out of them. They used this to bounce of one another, help each other when they needed it. Emma also had PTSD though she had never confessed that to Regina. Or the college. They had decided the college had shoved them together because that way they couldn’t pull other students down with them.

Right now, both of the girls were lying in their beds – it was a rare night that Emma had off from both of her jobs and had spent the evening studying before sliding down her bed at nearly one am and trying to get some sleep. Regina was caught up on her studying and had spent the evening watching Netflix, she was in the middle of Walking on Sunshine, a super-cheesy musical based on the hits of the eighties when she had seen Emma slide down, exhausted, and had turned her laptop off so that the blonde could get some sleep. Despite the fact the two of them had been lying in the darkness of their dorm for nearly two hours neither of them had slept yet.

‘Did you know that there are five hundred, twenty-five thousand, and six hundred minutes in a year?’ Emma asked into the darkness of the dorm room, turning on her side to face the brunette.

Regina herself turned over so that she could see the outline of the blonde opposite her.

‘I have listened to the Rent soundtrack, dear.’ Regina said softly, wondering where exactly the blonde was going with this.

‘I have just spent one hundred and fourteen of the five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes lying here doing nothing. I worked out right,’ Emma paused as she sat up properly, turning so her back was pressed against the wall and she was facing Regina as the brunette remained lying down. ‘I worked out that this year I will have spent two hundred thirty-two thousand three hundred twenty minutes working. That’s one hundred and sixty-one point three days working my ass off for barely enough to live- ‘

Regina took Emma’s brief pause to sit up herself and turn a lamp on.

‘And thirty-one thousand six hundred and eighty minutes in class. Do you know how many days that it?’ Emma asked, watching as Regina shook her head slowly. It was when Emma did things like this that Regina’s belief that Emma should be taking a mathematics major – and a Xanax – were cemented.

‘Twenty-two. That means I’ll spend one hundred eighty-three point three days in class and working that’s more than half a year just working. That’s not including coursework and eating and taking breaks and sleeping and living. That’s pure work. That’s pur- ‘

Regina cut Emma off.

‘Emma. Are you okay?’

‘Yes.’ Emma said without really thinking about it, just her standard answer whenever anybody asked her if she was okay.

‘Emma.’ Regina repeated, her tone firmer.

‘I don’t know.’ Emma answered honestly.

Regina could see the cogs turning in Emma’s head.

‘What’re you thinking, Emma?’

‘I spent one million fifty-one thousand two hundred minutes on the street before I started here. You know, if I’m not counting school or work.’

‘Wait, what?’ Regina asked, genuinely shocked by this confession. She knew that Emma hadn’t had the best time before college and had been fairly certain that a roof over Emma’s head hadn’t been constant thing ever since Emma was 16 if her drunken rambles had been anything to go by but Regina hadn’t imagined that Emma had spent two years completely homeless.

‘I’ll tell you if you tell me why you don’t talk to your mother and why you’re living like a complete student’ Emma said with a shrug, she hadn’t meant to say that but any chance to find anything out about Regina was one she was taking.  


Regina thought about it for a moment, it wasn’t like she didn’t trust Emma, she did. And it wasn’t like she thought Emma was close minded – the way she’d caught Emma staring at some of the girls in the bar and I class had all but confirmed that. It was just that sometimes Regina found it incredibly hard to be honest with herself.

‘She found out I was gay and cut me off. Funded me until I got to college so the press wouldn’t be suspicious. When they sniffed about wondering why I was living like a student she had come up with the idea that I wanted the experience. Which, don’t get me wrong, I did. It’s the best for me, I’d been trying to get from under her thumb for years. If I knew it was as easy as being disowned for my sexuality I would have come out years ago,’ Regina admitted, she half expected Emma to give her a lecture about how at least she had a parent unlike the blonde herself.

Instead Emma just shrugged.

‘Your mom sounds like a bitch.’

Regina smiled.

‘She is. Now. I believe you said you’d tell me why you spent two years on the street.’

Emma looked away from Regina for a second before meeting the brunette’s eyes once more.

‘Weirdly. It’s a similar story. The last foster home I was in. Catholic. Conservative. The dad – he saw me kissing my then-girlfriend- when she walked me to the door. I thought he was in his office at the back of the house. Didn’t hear him walking up the sidewalk behind us. I went inside and he followed a few minutes later. Beat the shit out of me with his belt. I ran away and spent two weeks’ sofa surfing before I ended up on the streets for two years. I could have gone back into a group home but I’d had too many bad homes and just needed out. So, I didn’t go back. I’d go to school and get in as early as I could so I could use the gym showers and I’d leave as late as I could. A few times I managed to sneak about until the school was locked up and slept the night. I’m only here because Ruby found out one morning. She found me sleeping under the stairwell in the art block and let me stay at hers until college started so that I’d have a permanent address and whatever. She helped me apply for all the funding. I owe her my life, really. And now I’m here and I’m whittling away minutes by working out how many I won’t have by the time the year is up.’

‘Jesus, Emma’ Regina said softly, moving across the dorm and crawling into Emma’s bed, she wrapped her arms around the blonde.

‘It’s just. Time’s an illusion right, but here I am counting out how many minutes I’ll be serving bacon pancakes and grilled cheeses and cobb salads at 6pm and vodka slammers at 4am and taking notes on Simon Armitage at 9am.’

‘Existentialism is a very dangerous thing, Emma. You need to sleep.’ Regina said softly.

This was a habit the two of them had fallen into. One would fall into a pit of despair or angst or existentialism and the other would hold them until they fell asleep.

Emma nodded but stayed sitting up, Regina stayed there, holding toned arms within her own.

‘What’s this all about?’ Regina asked.

‘I was just thinking about how much time I’ve wasted tonight and then got caught up in everything.’

‘Time you’ve wasted tonight? Emma. You’ve studied from the moment you got in from class until you lay down.

‘I should be having an adventure! Doing shit I want to do! Not spending my day off work studying.’

‘Are you saying you want to drop out of College?’ Regina asked, slightly worried, she didn’t know what she’d do if Emma left school.

‘No!’ Emma shot back, determination and passion in her voice. ‘No. I fought to be here, I’m not dropping out’

‘Then what do you want to do?’ Regina asked, her voice soft once more, the worried edge that was there only seconds ago had disappeared.

‘Travel, have a break long enough to watch a movie, sleep more than three hours, not sleep and go on adventures, drive and drive and drive and- ‘Emma’s voice had been getting more and more passion filled with every word she had said until she had said the final ‘and’ all off a sudden she was quiet and hesitant.

‘And?’ Regina prompted.

‘And kiss you’ Emma’s voice was barely above a breath, not even a whisper.

Regina was stunned, she couldn’t make the words in her head form a sentence and every time she tried the words got stuck somewhere between her brain and her tongue.

 ‘Forgot I said that’ Emma said when Regina hadn’t said anything. She felt her face burning in embarrassment and wanted to run.

She went to stand up but Regina didn’t release her arms from around the blonde’s waist, in fact, she tightened her grip a little and pulled Emma back down. She waited for Emma to look at her before she loosened her hold.

‘Do you mean that?’ Regina asked, her mouth finally engaging.

Emma only nodded. She shut her eyes as she began rambling, panicking slightly and frustrated at herself, ‘sorry. I shouldn’t have- I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to force this on you. I shouldn’t have bothered you with the time thing and I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have said I wanted to kiss you because you clearly don’t want to kiss me and I don’t mean I wanted it to just be a kiss, I wanted to bring you on dates and I don’t know, I shouldn’t be saying this I’m sorry. I’m so- ‘

She was cut off when a pair of soft lips met hers. Without much hesitation, Emma began kissing Regina back. She felt one of Regina’s hands cup her face whilst the brunettes other arm only wrapped around Emma’s waist tighter and pulled the blonde closer. Emma’s own arms wrapped around the brunette, holding her close.

The kiss was gentle, as if the two of them were testing the water, seeing what would happen.

They pulled away from one another slowly and Regina pressed her forehead against Emma’s, grinning.

‘How long till class starts?’ she whispered.

Emma glanced at the clock they kept on the desk between their beds.

‘Two hundred and sixty-two minutes.’

‘Kiss me again.’ Regina whispered, her eyes fluttering shut as Emma closed the distance between them once more.


End file.
